Right after I decided to travel less and spend more time in my community, the pandemic closed things up, and I had no choice in the matter. There were many restrictions on where we could go and what we could do, and minimal human contact existed. I nestled in my warm home and decided to clean drawers, straighten closets, paint floors, and just nest.
One day, I talked to a friend who works in social services, and she told me about the single mothers she had as clients. Many were newly recovering alcoholics, drug addicts, and others were still fighting active addiction. Many of their children went into the foster care system and returned to their birth parents during the pandemic. The system justified this measure so the foster parents could be COVID-safe.
These mothers worked service sector jobs, such as waitresses, maids, cashiers, and cafe baristas. Many of those businesses closed down during the worst of the pandemic, and the workers lost their jobs. My friend shared with me that some of these mothers (and fathers) sacrificed food for themselves to provide food for their children or pay rent. There was a lot of fear about losing their homes and living on the street. One woman with five children, some with autism, lived in a motel.
I asked my friend what these families needed, and she told me they needed food, diapers, and everyday supplies, such as personal hygiene items. We decided to ask our friends for donations to give the moms, such as gift cards from large retail stores, like Walmart, that they could use for whatever they needed. I emailed the women living on my street and got immediate results. I widened my request next to women in my communities of interest. Those women then connected with their friends and family and the donation drive went even further afield. I was getting checks from all over and money in my PayPal account.
I would call my friend daily and ask where the greatest need was. She might say baby food or cereal and milk for the children. I would get a food gift card for $100 and drop it off with her. She often reached out directly to me because the need was so great and the social service workers so desperate. Did we have donations this week? It was always yes. One of my most generous gifts came when two friends had loaned someone else USD 1000 many years ago; at this point, they were not planning on ever receiving repayment. Suddenly one day, my friends did receive the money back. My friends immediately transferred it to our food/supplies account. That day I cried at the selflessness of those two friends.
We continued to get food and supply cards for over a year during the darkest days of the pandemic. The need was there, and it will likely, always be there. I learned a lesson about grace by giving without expecting anything in return, and I received inner peace and the presence of gratitude that comes with grace.
This type of story also hits close to home. My mother died of Hodgkin's disease when I was six (6) years old. My father had many medical bills. It was the 1960s, and medical insurance and coverage were not as good as today, at least in this country (USA). My father had a difficult time financially with two (2) young children and a modest income teaching job. People in our community offered to give us things to help us in other ways, such as cleaning our house. I would get second-hand dresses, sweaters, and coats. I was always embarrassed when they came over with a sack of clothes and gave them to me. My perception was that they expected me to be demonstrably happy and filled with gratitude. I was very appreciative of their generosity, but I also found myself blushing and feeling inferior to the other people who were not lacking and wanting. It is important to me now to give quietly, subtly, without fanfare, and graciously.
Today, I understand that someone's need does not make them less than my equal. Spiritual values of love and compassion that come with giving are possible because someone has a need, and the grace that accompanies the joy of giving is always a quiet virtue.
Thankful was originally published in November 2021.
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Next week - Thankful - The Ride of My Life. A retiree discovers that helping others teaches us a lot about ourselves.
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