This is the second installment of a four-part weekly series on the importance of friends and friendships throughout our lives.
By sharing some of my own experiences, I hope you will be reminded or recall some of your own friends and life-shaping friendships and their value in your life. Friends are critical to our life-long development and how we grow to relate within and as a community. Friends may have been few or many. In our recall, we can rediscover lessons and experiences we can now recognize as life-enhancing and essential to our growth and well-being.
When you read the first installment about my friends during my childhood, no girls were mentioned. So, where are the girls in the story?
Be assured, they were there and were very important to me and my life. I am the only boy and the middle child between two sisters in my family of five. One is three years older, and the other seven years younger. I was very close to and very similar to my older sister. We think alike, have similar interests and tastes, and in our younger years, we had several similar features. And there's a reason for that.
A psychotherapist once told her she was like a second mother to me. As if having two sisters and being the middle child wasn't challenging enough, I had "two mothers"! So, believe me, I didn't lack women in my life.
My older sister felt a need to be competitive with my mother. So, she chose to be my other mom when I came along. When she started school, I was around three. Every day, she'd come home from school, sit me down, and proceed to teach me everything she had learned that day. And it wasn't a phase she went through. She was very determined to do this daily until I started school myself.
Consequently, I was three years ahead of everyone. And in those early school years, being "smart" was an admirable trait and made me popular. So I got lots of attention and awe, and I loved that. It made me confident and scholarly, and subsequently, I got elected to leadership positions. And this carried into and through high school and college.
I have my older sister to thank for that. And she remained my confidant and mentor throughout my life. And her early death while she was still in her "early retirement years" left a big hole in my life. Her husband didn't like to travel as she and I did. So we were planning on being frequent travel companions when I retired. And I lost that person and that future. At the time, again drawing on friends at the time, I told those friends I needed to reinvent myself, make more friends, and deepen those relationships to fill that void when I retired. And those friends came through. But there will be more on that in a later installment.
Another thing that grew out of being close to my older sister is we had birthdays only five days apart. So our parents generally held two birthday parties simultaneously, often in adjoining rooms. We had separate cakes, gifts, and friends. But I always knew her friends and vice versa. I became confident and socially comfortable around girls early on, including those older than me. Believe me, that later became helpful. As I entered high school, the teachers and older girls knew who I was and always said "hello." That did not go unnoticed and certainly gave me more popularity and credibility. Elections to leadership positions continued.
As I entered my teens, my dad told me that if I never got on a motorcycle, he would buy me a car when I turned 16. I didn't, and he did. Of course, he didn't specify what car. I got a dark green, not air-conditioned, no radio, Studebaker Lark. Not my first choice, but any guy will tell you, never discount the power of having "wheels."
I started a carpool service to the school and charged my riders 50 cents a week, which earned me enough money for gas. Gas stations competed on price, and sometimes, I paid as little as 15 cents per gallon. Two very popular girls joined my carpool. It was so easy for me to meet girls in high school and guy friends, too. Many guys wanted to double-date with me.
My older sister started college and came home for Thanksgiving. She sat me down and told me she would teach me to drink scotch whiskey. And I must master this skill before the round of upcoming parties during Christmas break. I told her scotch tasted terrible and why did I have to master it? She said it's cool and sophisticated. Most others didn't like it, so you didn't have to share it. And you could drink it with water on the rocks, which made it easier to drink less, plus its taste usually meant you sipped it and didn't have to spend so much on it. And it was unusual to end up drinking too much.
I knew her friends, and I enjoyed running with an older crowd. Of course, it upped my cool factor with my high school friends, which I did not mind. Needless to say, I became a very willing student! And she was right about the scotch. I learned to drink it with water, sipped it, didn't have to share, and didn't drink too much, at least not initially.
It became my "go-to" drink from then on. That lasted well into my twenties when I finally got drunk on it twice. Once with a law school buddy and fraternity brother; another with my grad school friends. They took care of me. But there's nothing like getting sick on scotch! Both times made me stop drinking scotch and any other alcohol for six months. Ultimately, I turned to vodka martinis. At the time, they were almost as unpopular as scotch but a lot easier to drink. That's when I learned how to pace myself. I usually sipped a glass of water between them, but I tipped the bartender so he would properly take care of me. Ultimately, my older sister taught me not to have a drinking problem. I have some obsessive-compulsive behaviors and can quickly develop bad habits. My older sister also had her girlfriends look after me as I grew older. But that's a story for a subsequent installment. The things you learn from your friends, even one that is your sister!
I hope your high school and teen years were filled with either an over-abundance of friends or at least one or two BFFs (best friends forever). Teen years and high school are challenging enough to navigate, and friends help us find our way. Did you come out of high school with at least one lifelong friend? Think back. Maybe it's time to make a long put-off phone call. You never know what your life may be missing.
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Join us next week for part three in Thank You for Being a Friend.
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