My mother brought forth her worldview based on her personal experience of poverty, abuse, trauma, and being placed in a role that robbed her of her childhood. She was cold and distant because it was dangerous to feel, and emotions were a luxury. Life was getting food on the table and making ends meet. She was a product of her generational history and lessons, rules of living, and expectations brought to this country from Ireland in the generations before her.
She exhibited an extreme fear of life. A favorite phrase of hers was “Something else to worry about.” She was hyper-conscious of “what the neighbors might think.” We could not in any way draw attention to ourselves, which also defined the household atmosphere. Anger, happiness, or any of the other natural impulses of a child were prohibited. My mother often belittled my sisters and me for expressing emotion. As for myself, I learned to be invisible in the household.
In her experience, emotions were dangerous, whether learned through her experiences during the Great Depression or a survival skill brought forward by her Irish family. I rarely remember being touched by her, and I have no memories of being held or hugged, which would be expressing affection or love. This emotional dearth extended to a lack of praise for a job well done, good grades in school, or other achievements. I was always left to feel that anything I did was not good enough. Unconsciously, as I am now aware, I was becoming just like her. I was internalizing all of the generational trauma and Irishness of my mother.
Awareness of national and ethnic heritage brings forth historical connection and a deeper understanding of who we are and how we got here. In my case, it is a history of Ireland steeped in British oppression, famine, and generational poverty. The Irish curse manifests in depression, alcoholism, and the worldview that there is a tragedy around every corner. All of my maternal uncles, not to mention my grandfather, died directly from alcoholism. My grandmother witnessed each of their deaths. And yet she was one of the most resilient people I have ever known.
Myrt never had an unkind word for anyone. She was deeply Catholic, which sustained her through the travails of her life. Her little three-room house was a place of solace and warmth while I was growing up, as it was for dozens of her grandchildren. It was always a safe place to go when I knew I was in trouble at home. Unlocking her path to resilience, acceptance, and a positive outlook has been a model for what I have aspired to and yearned for my entire adult life. It is often fleeting, but she has shown me it is possible.
But understanding generational history is more than cultural ideations from the old country brought forward from one generation to the next. It is also about how our cultural and lived histories have affected our DNA, our hardwiring and brain development, and what we pass on to the next generation. It is an evolutionary adaptive process. Suppose you are born into a hostile environment. In that case, the next generation will be better prepared and more resilient to survive in that hostile environment. A change in your environment, such as the one my ancestors experienced emigrating from Ireland to America, does not preclude or cancel out the adaptive forces imprinted on our DNA. Thus, the trauma of war, poverty, and survival rules move forward despite changed circumstances.
In the next chapter, I will examine how cortisol, a stress hormone triggered by Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), and its effects on brain development impacts future generations. As an advocate and trainer of ACEs in schools, social service organizations, healthcare, and communities, I have become convinced of the value of this knowledge. We can better approach an understanding of our behaviors and their impact on families and communities and our ability to foster resilience despite our histories.
Jeff is a retired counselor living his best life as a Midwestern child of the corn.
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Next week - Part 3 in this monthlong series, Making Sense.
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