Finding the willingness and the courage to be vulnerable, speak up, and ask for help is daunting, but the result can be rewarding.
We were moving through the five-day event quickly. But this learning experience was intense.
People were being vulnerable and sharing their personal stories. They were honest about their strengths and weaknesses; we all put ourselves out there to connect with people and build relationships.
The event's last day was here, and I patiently went through the entire eight-hour program. And now, it was time for the instructor to take questions from the participants.
Something in me resisted raising my hand. If I did, I would have to be honest about my struggles in front of people, which was never comfortable for me.
I was scared, but I did it anyway. The instructor gave me the microphone to speak, and he gave me all his attention as I questioned.
"Networking is all about interacting with people and representing yourself well. How can one do that if they feel scared of being compared?"
The instructor nodded in agreement.
"It stems from a sibling thing. I said. "I am scared to be compared to others around me, and how can I be free from it?"
My nerves calmed down. I felt lighter and relieved just by voicing myself.
He took a moment and then smiled. Then in the kindest yet boldest way, he responded.
"I know what you mean. I've been there. And what has helped me overcome comparison scares and traps is creating an image of my future self that is ideal for me."
"Define an identity of yourself from this moment and build an identity of your future self."
"Keep the image of your future self within you to inspire yourself."
"Start seeing the good in you. And stop looking for the validity of your success or failure from anyone outside. Be your own inspiration."
What he said resonated with me, and this was the missing part.
He said, "Every time you see yourself compared to others, right there and then, in that very moment, shift your attention upon the inspiring image of your future self."
"Hold onto that image as your reference of who you are becoming and operate from there."
He went on to give his own example. He said, "At this moment, my current reality is training 70 people to build relationships."
"At the same time, who I am in the making is training 10,000 people to build relationships."
"This is a goal of mine, but to achieve this goal, I need to be a person who makes a valuable contribution to improving the lives of the people who want to work with me. I need to develop qualities like being of service to others, being patient with others, and teaching with intense devotion. Only then could I achieve my goal with a lasting satisfaction?"
He emphasized, "It's not about the goal you need to focus on. When you face any negatives and comparisons, consciously shift your inner focus to the ideal qualities you are working on cultivating in yourself."
"If you can give those qualities as a picture or a symbol, even better. In your mind's eye, see that ideal image or symbol that conveys those inspiring qualities you embody and one day will become."
"You will then in no way be deterred by others' negative projections about you. You'll feel grounded and experience your personal power. It would not matter what others say about you. Good or bad, your self-esteem comes from this inner work."
"As long as you are moving in the direction of practicing and building this positive self-image, you are on your way to being free from any comparison traps."
At that moment, I felt great relief and a sense of freedom. I thanked the instructor for this invaluable guidance. I was ready to make an effort to put this lesson to practice.
Deepti is a storyteller at heart, a lifelong lover of learning, and an advocate for empowering the visions of aspiring entrepreneurs worldwide. Deepti hails from Kolkata, India.
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Next week. Find Your Self-Worth. Part 4. Braking Free.
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