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Writer's pictureDeepti Daryanani (India)

Find Your Self-Worth. Part 2. Willingness.


Are you willing to demonstrate that you are good enough? And leave behind the critical messaging of your past? One woman describes how.


Young woman silhouetted by sun in front with arms outstretched.
Finding the willingness to change and taking action is essential to finding your self-worth. Photo by Jacob Gomez on Pexels.

What could be the secret to breaking free and going beyond these narrow ways of social conditioning? Someone must know what it is to be living comparison free.



This new self-awareness that I am a worthy person stayed with me in the coming days. I felt grounded and calmer than before.



But I had an inner urge to be free from this comparison trap. I opened myself to any opportunity that could help me. My new inner conviction that I am already worthy helped me navigate all negative comparison situations. I remember my mother discussing my sister's finances with me. Her natural way of stressing the importance of personal finance was comparing us, and she often implied that I could not handle my finances. I remember being in one such situation. Given my newfound calm, I was surprised at how little I was affected by what she said. Whereas earlier, I used to feel miserable after such discussions.



But I knew I had to be completely free from the harmful effects of being constantly compared. I did not know if my calmness and sense of self-worth would last. I could not cure others of their negative talk, but I wanted to protect myself from anything that could make me feel I was not valuable.



Days and months went by. I looked for tools like self-help books, talked to a friend, and read philosophy books. It helped me move forward, but I was still disturbed when someone compared me.



I remember meeting my elder sister for coffee. I opened up to her about my relationship issues with my fiance then. I was surprised she compared my situation with a very unhealthy relationship with another couple. I was upset with her and told her it was unfair to compare so randomly with someone else. Our life situations and choices differed; how can you compare and conclude so irrationally? It took me days to recover from this negative energy. I felt miserable because I felt devalued whenever I tried to be vulnerable with my family. Of course, the self-help books and confiding with a friend temporarily relieved me, but it was not changing me.



During this time, I was also pursuing a service-based business. My parents were doubtful of it. I could see it in my mother's eyes, her body language, and what she used to say to me. I remember her saying, "Your timing is all wrong. Will this work?" Every few days, my parents used to call me only to ask how much I make in this new business. I used to tell them it's developing and will take some time to generate revenue. After such conversations, I felt pressured, and my confidence was low. I used to think they've started a business too, and they know it takes time!



One day as I was preparing for my service-based business to launch, I attended a class that taught professional networking.



It was fascinating to see the teacher skillfully interact with students.


Two Indian student conversing with instructor.
You can find motivation and guidance to change yourself from many sources, some unexpected. Photo courtesy of RDNE Stock Project.

He talked about developing a relationship with people that you respect. He emphasized the importance of stepping out of your comfort zone and connecting with new people, groups, and professions.



His emphasis was on helping others to build a relationship. For example, he suggested sharing a valuable piece of information that's relevant to a person. Or it could be making efforts to help them connect with others who could help open doors for them. Or it could also be spending some time together out of sheer compassion for the other. Asking them how they were doing without expecting anything in return also makes a difference.



This approach was refreshing, and I understood it could positively impact each other's lives. But I wasn't sure why I was feeling scared. Why did I think I had nothing to offer? Why was I feeling this extreme lack of self-worth?



I received an invitation to attend a 5-day networking event in the coming days. Even though something in me resisted the idea of talking about myself in public, I was at the same time deeply drawn to attending this networking event. And so I opted in.



I had never attended a professional gathering like this before. People from various fields, having years of expertise, and from different parts of the world participated in this event.



I felt intimidated but, at the same time, thrilled. I felt like a kid who was just happy to be around, and I wanted to learn and see how others did this networking thing.



How would they introduce themselves? How would they talk about their work? How would they interact with others?



I was curious and ready to take in this experience.



The instructor came to the stage and, with a clear voice, asked, "What is your reason to network? What goal do you want to accomplish doing networking?"



He asked us to write the answer in our notebooks.



He said, "Whatever your goal might be, why do you think you were unable to achieve this goal so far?"



I wrote my answers.



I could not achieve this goal because I didn't know how. And the reason I didn't know how was because I didn't take my dreams seriously. And because I didn't take myself seriously, I didn't make an effort.



I continued to stay in my comfort zone and play small. And I played small because I believed I needed to be more capable of taking on significant responsibilities.



Another woman gracefully opened up and had similar reasons to me.

And what she said rang true to me.


Woman at conference with microphone in hand asking a question standing up.
Ask for help. Simple, right? Maybe, but not always easy to do. Photo by Wonderlane on Unsplash.

She said, "I don't feel competent and it affects my confidence. I know that the solution is to stop comparing yourself. Stop judging yourself."



After I heard her speak, a question started brewing in me.



I knew then that this was more than a networking event, and I had to speak up and ask for help.


 

Deepti is a storyteller at heart, a lifelong lover of learning, and an advocate for empowering the visions of aspiring entrepreneurs worldwide. Deepti hails from Kolkata, India.


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Next week. Find Your Self-Worth. Part 3. Be Brave.

 

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